Tuhan... apakah Kau cemburu?

Tuhan... apakah Kau cemburu?

Selama ini, aku terlalu sibuk memikirkan tentangnya. Bagaimana perasaan dia terhadapku, bagaimana dia bersikap dan memperlakukan aku. Dan segala hal yang dilakukannya begitu mempengaruhi segala aspek dalam hidupku.

Aku terlena dengan perasaan semu. Aku begitu sibuk dengan hal yang tidak pasti. Aku lupa... bahwa hidup hanyalah persinggahan semata. Bahwa dia hanyalah perantaraMu. Bahwa kebetulan dialah dari sekian banyak orang yang akhirnya memiliki benang kehidupan yang terjalin erat denganku.

Tuhan.. apakah Kau cemburu?
Bila selama ini aku begitu sibuk meminta cintanya dalam tiap sujudku? Bahwa aku begitu mengkhawatirkan hatinya, selalu dalam ketidak pastian yang memuakkan. Gelisah dan tidak tenang, padahal Engkaulah yang maha membolak balikkan perasaan manusia.

Maafkan kekhilafanku Tuhan... 
Betapa selama ini aku lupa. Bahwa hanya cintaMulah yang abadi. Bahwa selama ini segala nikmat dan kasih sayangMu tercurah untukku tanpa aku minta....

Dear Life....

Dear life...
How are you today? I know it has been years since the last time we talk. I've been so busy lately. 3 children and a husband took over my hours. Have no time at all for myself.

My dear life...
There's so many burden I've carried. You know it well. I just don't understand, why you give me this??? Was there something bad that I've done so I deserve this???

You know life, I've talked to God about it. I'm just a human and of course I did mistakes. Maybe in the past I hurt people. But who doesn't right? And maybe they hate me (I can't guess people's heart). And maybe I didn't use my time wisely. Did anything good and help the needy people for example.

But I already ask God's forgiveness. I tried to live my life well. I tried to make my life better than before. But why do you still giving me this???

It hurts me badly. My heart suddenly broken into pieces. It affects the whole me. It really changes everything.

I turn into something bad. I become someone I didn't know. I really mad. And I can't control it. Even I blown it out, it didn't help at all. I still feel hurt inside.

Please life, tell me... what should I do now??

Easy to forgive but hard to forget

It is so f***ingly easy to say "let it go... forgive, forget then move on". Hell yeah..!! Everybody can say anything. But if it is happening in their life.. I wonder how can they survive.

I don't know how my life can be rolling into something like this. Never imagine it. And absolutely never hope it. But like Farah Quinn said "this is it..."

All I can do now is keeping my insanity. Continuing my life as usual. And hoping maybe someday I can forget and let it go..